Dear The Randomist,
My brother “Barney” recently went on a scuba diving trip, and afterwards his wife sent me a video that was supposed to be of the coral reef, but she accidentally (I think?) sent a video of them doing it in a hotel room. Should I let them know in case they also sent it to others, or should I pretend it didn’t happen?
-Didn’t Need To See His Brother’s Junk
Dear Didn’t,
There are a few ways you could handle this. Roll for it:
1. Tell your brother what happened confidentially, and tell him you deleted it.
2. Actually delete it and never speak of it or think of it again.
3. Post it to a porn subreddit.
4. Send it to the family thread.
5. Text your sister-in-law and ask if she sent it because she wants a threesome
6. Make your own sex video and send it back.
Dear The Randomist,
I was following a friend of mine to a ballgame. He stopped at a stop sign, and we were sitting there for a long time before he went through the intersection, even though there were no other cars. When we got to the stadium, I asked him what the heck was happening at that stop sign. He said he was just daydreaming. Should I have honked or would that have been rude?
-Impatient Car Follower
Dear Impatient,
If anything like this ever happens again, go to https://yar.quest/tools and enter the following into the list randomizer, click ‘randomize’ and do whatever ends up at the top of the list:
Light tap on the horn
Lay on the horn until he moves
Get out, walk up to his window, and say “it’s a sign, it’s not gonna turn green!”
Drive around him and go through the intersection
Drive around him and flip him off
Put your window down, drive past him, point and laugh hysterically
Lightly bump into him (that’s why they call them bumpers)
The advice provided in this column is intended for entertainment purposes only. This column is not meant to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other expert advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation requiring professional, psychological, or medical assistance, you should consult with a qualified specialist. The opinions expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor do they replace the treatment and care you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician, or mental health expert. This column, its author, the newspaper, and publisher are not responsible for the outcomes or results of following any advice in any given situation. You are solely responsible for your actions.
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